An epigraph may be a good idea on your poem. At first, I was thinking, “NO, everybody knows ‘The Farmer in the Dell’, I had toys that played that song!” But then I thought about my own kids– they had nothing that played that song, no book that used it, nothing. So there very well may be people who have never heard it.

I think you’re right about my poem. Definitely a new stanza with the second “A cage”. I don’t know why I didn’t just do that… I should go read some ee cummings again. I’ve kind of been drifting in that direction, (not that extreme, but more spare, with more unusual syntax than I normally do) I’ve been reading more “experimental” poetry lately, (online, mostly) and some of it I really like, and some of it just makes me mad. I think the poem as a whole should still make sense even if the language it uses doesn’t. (does that make sense?)

Also, funny you mention about the epigraph, because what gave me the idea for this poem was a quote from a textbook (I think) where the author referred to Euripides as (I’m totally paraphrasing here) the creator of the cage in which men and women destroy each other with their loves and hates. Then I read about how all of Euripides’ wives cheated on him and he went into a self-imposed exile in a cave by the sea (supposedly). So I suppose an epigraph that uses that quote and gives credit to the person who said it would work!

Regarding submissions…..sometimes when I look at the response times on Duotrope I’m shocked. Of course, all statistics have their flaws, but it’s (almost) unbelievable (except that it’s not) to me that it could possibly take over a year to get a response out. (I’m into the parenthetical comment today, have you noticed?) Ha ha.

Do you think I should do an epigraph to mention the song/game for anyone who doesn’t know The Farmer in the Dell?

Good tip about submissions. I know that happens as well. One of them was a small magazine I’d been in before that I think might not be publishing anymore, and the other is a bigger one that I’ll probably hear a no from a year from now.

I really like your poem. The first thing I started thinking, with the short lines, was to take away the poem and to do some reading of ee cummings. It has that feel. I also think the “A Cage” move might be a new stanza instead of all one? Does that make sense? And, no, the bitter stone isn’t cliche at all. I think that is a strong ending. I think the poem already works, but you might be able to write more into it. Maybe yours could use an epigraph as well? A specific quote from one of the plays maybe?

The draft you’ve shared today is great, especially the ending. I love the part:
….I want to tell
the class that sometimes the farmer
takes a husband, skips the child,
goes for the cat…..

and then the last lines:
But, I also want the students to know
the rule well enough to break it.

The way you got there was brilliant. You are so innovative. The part that bugs me, is the word “cheese”. But that’s just me. I’m weird. I find the word “cheese” funny, and this isn’t a funny poem. I’m sure it’s just a quirk of mine though.

I’m so glad you are doing a reading!! Hope all goes well!! –which I’m sure it will!

Good luck with the new fridge too!

I also had a couple of packets that had been out for nearly a year. I just assumed them rejected too. I understand if a magazine goes under, and the editors are probably too depressed or dis-interested, or it just takes too much time to send out a notice that the magazine has closed, but when one is still up and running, and has been up and running for a long time, I just don’t understand non-responses. I wrote formal letters of withdrawals just in case. Also, coincidentally, after Meg had her poem up at Referential, I had a quick chat with her, and this subject came up, and she said at CP, the submission just doesn’t always go through. Since she said this, I’ve checked the box for “send this message to myself” if there is one. I’d like to think that editors just get busy and things get lost, rather than the picture I have in my mind of an editor looking at my poems and tossing them in the trash! LOL.

So now I’m torn. I don’t know if I should post the revision of the poem I posted last week, since I explained my process for that one, or post this other one I need help with. Hmmm.
Okay, it’s been like five minutes now and I’ve read both poems, and I think I will ask for advice on this newer one. I kind of feel that there is something missing (again, oy) from the middle-ish of this poem. Like I need just a tiny bit more information or maybe even just the perfect word between the feelings of what I consider the “positive” part of the poem, with the “negative” or “tragic” part of the poem. I dunno. Probably nobody cares about a Greek playwright anyway. LOL. And also, is “bitter stone” too cliche? Any suggestions that would convey the same sentiment? Have at it guys!

WHAT EURIPIDES KNEW

A cage is love,
is a mouth that sings
the O in tongue,
of expose,
of now.
Of the color bitten,
of golden wings,
breastbone
breaking
to lay open
what aches.
A cage
of the swollen belly,
of the lover twice left,
of the myth of Gods,
of bindings:
vaulted sky,
surface of sea,
saltwater lips–
mandible unhinged by
silence,
that bitter stone.