Thursday Poem Share is back! The poem I’m posting this week came directly out of AWP, and also out of a new writing system I’m working on. Here’s the poem.
–poem is down waiting for the next adventure
Feel free to comment on my work in progress and/or to add your own work (or links to – not just poetry either) in comments so we can discuss. I will take down any pieces posted (including my own) a week from today.
The new process I hint at comes from not having any “ideas” for poems. I decided to pick a day (that day has now changed) and to work on a piece in my journal for the whole week. So let’s say my start day is today. I will sit down sometime today and just write. I won’t necessarily have a poem in mind, but I’ll just write. For the one above I just had the idea of “beautiful damage,” and I went from there. Each day I go back and read my notes and see if I can take anything there and move it forward. I’d say around Day 4 I usually end up with something that starts to seem poetic. Or at least that is the case for these first two weeks that I am trying this. I’ll keep doing it until Wednesday (for me) and then Thursday I type it up and post it.
Speaking of fours. Had a great seminar by Sandra Beasley at Poetry Hickory on Tuesday where she spoke about writing sestinas. I loved her idea that it was somewhere around the 4th stanza that such a complicated form makes you try something new. There is often a change in tone, or narrative at that point. Reminds me of sonnet writing, and how there is a moment of discovery. So, yes, I’ll probably try writing a sonnet again soon.
And just a few more notes since I feel everything around us informs us. A movie I watched recently that had a kind of poetic feel to it was Jeff Who Lives at Home, and a non-poetry book I read (but LOVED) was Maureen Johnson’s The Name of the Star which is the start of a new YA series with a bit of a mystery/supernatural feel to it.
I also spread the word yesterday that I’ve updated my services so stop by to look at the rates and offerings. Probably the biggest change is that I’ve added a class to run during National Poetry Month called Poetry Isn’t Just for Poets. I want us to not only think about writing poems in April, but what about reading and understanding them? Isn’t that part of where I love for words comes from? I hope some of you out there might join me. Feel free to spread the word!
And, then come back here to share 
Wow that is a very heavy laden piece you wrote; it makes me think of how I was caught off guard at AWP and saw a disfigured man (his face) and had to look away. I believe he had been burned. I generally am okay and actually spent some time with Hal Sirowitz, who has Parkinson’s and barely can talk now, I have a big heart and feel we all need to be treated equally.
And what are these new writing organizational skills? Share share share LOL I am getting closer to wanting a class on writing in a certain way, after Athena talked about an instructor who gave her tips on things such as this. I now outline, something I hated before, but it does help organize the thought. I am signing up for a workshop on beginning poetry in Provincetown that Athena also told me about. I had my literal straw out at AWP and sucked up as much as possible!
I will look at your services, now that I will have some space to spend some in the next few months. Hmmm, what to eat WORDS! ;}
Here is mine and you can guess what my muse was…
—poem is outta here
I did detail the new writing plan I was working on after the poem so let me know if it isn’t clear. I can rephrase and/or answer any questions about it.
I’m also looking at different opportunities. I’ve applied for a few grants here and there, but not in a while. I’ve never tried any of the fellowships. Part of me wants to do it to get a chance to study with some interesting people, but I also know it would help me as my teaching career develops – if it continues to develop.
And, now, to your poem! Lots of good bits in this one. I’d actually reshape it just a bit and I think you’d have a strong one to start submitting. Consider titling it Parkinson’s and ending with the quote about serious eyebrows cause that is awesome. Otherwise I’d just look back to your linebreaks. Most of them are strong, but do you need all the enjambment. Like the first one. Would it be better to just end with rest and start next line with The corner?
Oh, and transitional phrasing like out of the corner of my eye. Do you need that? Other language is so strong. Just a though. I do that a lot myself with things like SO
Awesome to see you are already writing after the overload of AWP. Gonna try to start something new here in a few minutes and then have some lunch to feed the brain.
Wow Elizabeth . .. what a great poem you came away with. Way to go! I have been reading a blog of a sister taking care of her brother with Parkinson’s , so this really resonated with me! Best wishes for the workshop time!
Funny, but I made those changes before seeing this and submitted it that night. It was accepted in a journal I will announce when it gets closer. One I been in before, but thanks guys! Had food poisoning and just now getting back here to read work! Yay! I am a happy camper today…
Well boo on the food poisoning, but yay on the acceptance!
Cool poem, Jessie (some really fantastic lines such a cool/interesting subject) and also a very interesting writing process. Keep us posted on how it goes. I try different processes too because I find I get stuck far too easily sometimes.
AWP sounds awesome (as it always does) — Hope your panel went well.
I would have loved to hear Sandra talk about Sestinas. I’m obsessed with the idea of writing one, but seems so tricky.
I finally submitted a packet of five poems, wrote two new ones (one in progress) and revised the hummingbird one…..so I’m feeling a little better about things. I still need to get back into a routine though. Rattle is asking for “single parent” poems, which you’d think I’d have material for with all the complaining I do, ha ha. So may try that next.
Your recent books and movies sound interesting as they always do, but of course I can’t keep up.
I’ve really got nothing I’m ready to share today, but it’s always nice to check in.
Elizabeth, I think your poem is almost there! I agree with Jessie’s comments, and think you could have something submittable with a bit of reworking.
Still without proper electronic communication, but doing my best with the phone and the kindle! (Had to bribe my son to let me use his “super computer”for submitting lol).
And yes, I do realize pens, pencils and paper do still exist. Ha ha.
Pens and paper do still exist, but there really is that necessity to – at some point – put your writing into the virtual/electronic form. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t blog during AWP. I could do it on my tablet, but it was tedious. The bigger reason? Every night I was just exhausted.
Good to hear you have some work ready to submit! Yay! I haven’t had a packet ready to go in weeks, but perhaps if this process keeps working for me I’ll have something before the end of the month. I’m also gonna link to a little article I did three years ago about sestinas: http://tinyurl.com/ao5uznp
Ya know, I see topics for contests and stuff all the time that I’m like “I should write that,” but sometimes it just won’t happen.
I took two journals with me to AWP, and still need to copy drafts to my computer. Ugh.
Thanks for the link! I shall be reading shortly.
I’ve been waiting for Poetry Share to come back ever since your “Talking Dirty” post at the end of February. I was thinking about that, and a poem I wrote way back when, and decided I’d post it here, see what people thought. (Jess, I think you’ll remember it). But more on that later… first, yours
First, the process. It’s interesting to me to see this, because I’ve written like this very frequently. Poetry more, but prose as well; my first novel attempt for instance was made up of the crossing between science fiction and Janis Ian’s music, especially her explorations and addressing of bigotry in all its forms. Needless to say, it was a literary sci-fi dystopia. Never finished, but someday maybe. I’ve done poetry this way as well, though, many times. I’d get a phrase that was somehow thematic, or something that would be a good title and served to lead-the-witness, so to speak. Or, in fact, the poem I’ll post, in a way
So I’m gratified to see it working for another writer as well, to just take a phrase or concept or image and run with it (which seems to be what you’re doing, expressed a bit differently?)
The poem itself: I like every bit of this, especially the juxtaposition (have I mentioned I’m struck by dichotomy in poems?
) of the title with the work. The title seems (at least to my mental leap and interpretation) like it’s going to be sweet then has such… not quite coldness, but starkness, I guess. And yet it works. The image of base competence but no concept of beauty, itself telling the tale of beauty in imperfection… simple and brilliant. And the images themselves are crisp, almost dispassionate after the title, right down to that ending line. Which gave me pause because it’s so much longer than all the others, seems somehow to change the flow and feel, but it’s so perfect otherwise… what to do? *heh* Probably nothing, because like I said, it’s also brilliant.
I love getting a chance to talk about process. Whenever I get into a rut anywhere in my life I start investigating my process. There are a few lines in the poem that I’m not completely sure about. I’m also thinking about playing more with spacing, but that is hard to do when posting online – like that last line. I was kind of going for it to look like a big block of text, but with it being so short I’m not sure that is quite working.
I hope you do get back to the novel because, well, it is a novel, but also because that type of genre is so popular right now
Now to YOUR poem.
Okay, now: the “Talking Dirty” post led me to think of this poem, which I’d shared with Jess forever ago. Is this dirty, or isn’t it? And because of that question… this fits Jess’s last in a way too, because it originated from a single idea, but in order to not prejudice any thoughts I’m not going to reveal what that was just yet, and beg forgiveness for teasing
Here it is:
–poem is thunderstruck
Well, Larry, if it’s dirty talking , it’s beautiful dirty talking.
Thanks
Though there’s stuff I’m not completely happy with, I have to admit. A few ways I could edit/ trim the next to last stanza, and I’d love to get the last one into fewer lines, though I can’t imagine how. I could get 4-5-4-6-6 or …5-6 (numbers of lines), and I think it’d be a bit tighter – but I’d love a 5-4 end for the symmetry.
Oh that trimming! I tried reading it over and over, seeing what could maybe come out, but I liked it all too much.
I agree with Debbie, Larry, what a poetic way to talk…hubs are ya listening!
As if you are communicating with the storm…I love that! I would love to see the reworked piece. I wrote a new piece about going frog gigging with my father, and now think I need to write something about the canyon I stayed at a writers retreat in Leakey, Tx…it rained, no storm, but it was green, wet, and…should go into a poem by darnit!
Love watching you guys discuss the forms and such. I think I remember this poem. It reminds me of something you might see in a fantasy novel, and not in a bad way. I think that could be a way to approach it if you want to submit it somewhere. It could fit into some of those fantasy and/or erotica genres although it is subtle. I appreciate subtle
I think form is also an interesting question here. I think if you tried to go too formal into syllabics or say a sonnet it might make the subject matter seem old-fashioned and trite so that is, again, where subtly works. So glad you came back to share again.
Oh, something tells me I’m a fixture now
You’ll all be sick of me in no time, especially since I talk a lot.
Trimming: I don’t know what I’d do with the last stanza; maybe rework the line breaks but keep all the words, and “shorten” it by a line. The next to last, I played with just cutting the middle two lines, also with cutting the last three, or going straight from ‘gives it birth’ to ‘The sultry air.’ I love those middle two lines though, the swirl fury and heart and birth. Especially with the Yates homage/ reference immediately after
Another thought, very minor: I’ve had the suggestion to simply drop the “on” from the first line, have it read “She rides an onyx sky.” More immediate, forceful… but I’m not sure. Thoughts?
And Jess, I think you’re completely right. No way I could go too formal here, especially since this really is an almost whimsical poem, truthfully
See… (and here’s THE BIG REVEAL! *lol*) – this really is a thunderstorm, and the single idea of spinning in the rain, head tilted up and catching drops. I was with a friend at another friend’s place at Canyon Lake, sitting on her deck in the very early hours. A storm rolled through, and I thought about how kids would do that. As I wrote it, I wanted that notion of communing with the storm, being part of it… and somewhere in the course of writing, the storm came to life, the sensual language took over and I went with it. Too far? I don’t think so, actually, but it’s borderline 
I kind of like dropping the ‘on’ too, Larry! And at first thought that this WAS just about a thunderstorm .. .but then had second thoughts as you kept your reveal to yourself for awhile! haha!
I agree about dropping the on. I think anytime you can revise towards the more surreal or odd (without falling into cliche or too much personification) the stronger your poem might be in its uniqueness. I agree with you on the borderline. It is like risking sentimentality (when people write about highly charged emotions/situations that can lend themselves to cliche like the birth of their child) – it is good to risk it, but there is such a thin line between “good” and sappiness
Loved the poem, Jessie. It kind of had a different ‘feel’ to it, which I liked, while still having some of that classic Jessie too. The ending was so good!
Thanks for sharing about your journaling / writing process. I liked it! I just seem to keep running out of time and energy each day. But it would help so much just to jot down a little something. Do you stay at it for a certain amount of time?
Jessie, the class during April sounds wonderful. Hoping you get a good group for that. I’m going to be away from the computer for the first week of April .. .and my hubby is laid off right now. So I have to pass on taking this one, but will be cheering you on!
I said I would work on the few poems I had rough drafts of .. but I didn’t! oh no! haha! So here’s one of those rough ones.
–this poem has a secret
I ALWAYS love your poems Debbie!
Sorry you won’t be able to make it to the class
but I TOTALLY understand. I’m still hunting around for work. Have about 10 job apps out still with high hopes for several of them. I have an interview for a temp job on Monday. Wishing your husband some good luck, too!
I’m flexible on when I work on my writing (and reading – I tend to do them at the same time), but since my husband is home more at night than he used to be when he was working two jobs I try to do it before he gets home. Sometime between 2-4 seems to be the best time to fit it in. I’m sure when I get back to work I’ll have to change some of that around.
And your poem? Spot on Debbie. Spot on. That’s one to get out there and submit. There are several magazines that do a spiritual bent. I also think this could fit in with one of the journals i shared with you guys recently H.O.D. (Handful of Dust). Yay!
I love that you have high hopes AND 10 apps out! Of course, I’d really love it if you could JUST read and write and not have to do the other kind of work.
I am thinking positively, that my hubby won’t lose his job .. .that there will just be a shut down time for awhile and then he’ll be back. 
I wasn’t sure if the poem said enough again . .and I’m never very ‘poetic’ with my word choices, so thank you for your thoughts about it!
Oh, I wouldn’t remotely worry about not having said enough. In less than 50 words, you’ve told a story, with closed loops and open ends, that both makes me wonder a whole lot (what did she need to talk about so much that she called after 30 years!?) – and scared as hell to know the answer to. Quite honestly, I think the way poetry does exactly that is the very reason it endures.
Oh oh oh oh ohhhhh (said with a fish like mouth) I felt that sting a bit…she called because he finally straightened up! Ha ha ha is what I think. Goodness Debbie you are the queen in my book, of shorts! Pow!