July has been an extremely odd month. I thought it would be my month to really get a hold of my healthy habits even with vacation, but each week has just felt a bit off. I just haven’t felt like myself.
I’ve stepped on the scale a few times recently, contemplated a variety of diets even though I know they just make me crazy (can we say a cookie cake that I ate part of this weekend, and ice cream which would be fine if I wasn’t feeling like I was in GORGE mode). I was supposed to be out of town at my once a year, end of July, writer get together, but I didn’t feel up to the trip. Feel like I’m coming back around some now, and I even attempted a run yesterday OUTSIDE (what was I thinking?), but I did it before I had any food in me (and in the heat) so it was mostly a brisk walk.
Instead of being out of town with writers I was all by myself while my husband went with his brother to his yearly anime convention up in Baltimore. So things here were quiet, but I wasn’t letting my brain really rest. I think last night and this morning I’ve finally let my brain quiet down a bit. I want to try and hold onto that; I want to carry that into this last week before I have to report back to campus. (Next week are lots of meetings, and then classes start on the 15th).
I will say one thing for contemplating this weekend – I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to get a treadmill for the house. Hubs and I have been going pretty solid to the gym for over a month, and we always gravitate to the treadmills. The really nice ones have come down in price, and if we get a fold-up one we have the space for it. It would 
streamline things for sure. As will having an office on the campus where I teach which might have a fridge in it – a place where I could keep my healthier snacks and/or possibly even lunch instead of going off campus.
Could it be that I can step into August with convenience at my fingertips? We all measure ease a bit different, but with ease comes comfort. Perhaps with comfort comes lasting change?
Sorry to hear that you just haven’t felt really good here of late.
I know I’m not there with you, but it seems like you push yourself pretty hard most all the time. I’m with you in wanting to settle into that brain rest place and think that is a key for us all and will help in every other aspect of our lives. Also you have me looking at convenience, ease and comfort in a whole other way! 
I love thinking about what if living healthier was easier for me than the alternative. What if I found comfort and peace in that? Thank you, Jessie!
it is so easy to slip into habits (good or bad). I just need to get into a habit of feeling Ok to just be content;)
Can totally relate to feeling out of sorts, and to that feeling of not being able to let the brain rest. My mind is constantly running, and it’s difficult to just let it rest. What’s such a waste is that I’m always thinking, “I have to do this, I have to do that” or “I didn’t do this, I should have done that” and all that thinking distracts me from actually getting all of the things done that my stupid brain is running on about. Related to this is that feeling of never being able to really relax. If you look at my schedule on the surface, it looks like there would be plenty of time to relax and “do nothing”, but with my mind always going on and on it’s nearly impossible. *sigh*
On a brighter note: Your new office looks really awesome!!
I think our brains may be connected! I don’t know how many nights I’ve just lain awake trying to plan out what I was going to do the next day. Such a silly waste of energy, and yet I often can’t help it!
Someone told me I was a perfectionist, yet I don’t believe in perfection. I do, however, like to feel things are “done.” Am I a completionist?
Hmmm. Completionist? Love it!!! I think our brains ARE connected!! I am exactly like that too!! In everything. I can’t even begin things like, let’s say, clean out a messy drawer unless I know I can clean it out RIGHT. (from start to finish, everything organized and in it’s place when I’m finished) And having loose ends–unread books, unfinished paperwork, unedited poems, etc–it all makes me crazy and overwhelmed sometimes, and yep, the old brain just spins it all around and around in there, like making cotton candy. (mmmm, cotton candy…lol)
I used to lie awake nights worrying about this too, and still would be, but I got some Ativan from my DR.–knocks me right out. Of course, my brain is still doing the cotton candy thing during the day……but oh well, can’t be tranquilized my ENTIRE life….ha ha.
cotton candy brain is a perfect description!