Currently, I am a little stress anger ball. I won’t get into specifics but I had received an email communication about changes to my job (the one I am leaving) that made me physically sick to my stomach. It was the type of change that I knew would put me in the nuthouse so if I can just survive till Tuesday. I am having a hard time doing that though.

Vent VENT VENT!!! That is what I am trying to do before I explode!

Oh side note. Finished The Grammar Bible yesterday. I think I picked up some good tips on usage and it will be a good reference material. I still don’t feel I have a good handle on punctuation in particular, but I’m a work in progress

Also watched the end of The Guru the one from early 00′s (how do you write that?) about a young Indian actor who wants to come to America to be famous. The movie actually was pretty unique for the first hour and then the last 30 minutes was just a bit silly, but not a bad date movie.

It is starting to sink in that I am really leaving my job of 9 years. I don’t have any regrets about leaving, but I find myself wandering into some strange territory–wistfulness? Could I really be wistful about this job?

I have always said I worked, for the most part, with good people and my announcement of resigning has proven that further. Everyone has been very supportive if not a bit jealous . There are also aspects of my job that have always been interesting, especially the legal parts. But as I took a recorded interview from someone yesterday I thought: This may be one of the last I do! How do I feel about that? I don’t really know.

The largest chunk of my working life has been spent at various desks working auto insurance claims. Before that the longest employment I had was at a certain large electronics store with two different stints of 9 months. ALl through college I worked various retail jobs and in fact college was like a job but even that was only 4.5-5 years. So just some interesting moves to ponder.

I also printed off the list of public readings and lectures for Warren Wilson next week. I was very close to applying for their MFA program and they are only about 2 to 2.5 hours away. I cannot, however, justify going up and staying overnight so I have to go through a great list of lectures and pick one. I am currently leaning towards Mary Ruefle (spelling not in front of me) because I did read one of her books last term at Queens.

Off to lunch shortly. Suddenly, I am very popular

Some of the girls at work invited me to go w/ them and see a movie yesterday after work. I ran some errands and then got to the theatre at about 4:15 for a 4:35 movie which is strange for me. I usually get there early and sit through all the trailers etc. I said to the ticket agent, “I for Knocked Up which was actually kind of embarassing as it came out of my mouth; I found myself giggling.

The response of the ticket agent was 9:25. I was really confused thinking no I want the 4:35 movie? But turns out this theatre charges evening prices after 3pm!!!! No one realized. What a joke! Inside I got a small popcorn and a small drink which at least were reasonably priced by movie theater standards. I SOOO regret the popcorn, however, by now I should know that it just makes me sick to my stomach.

The movie was good fun. Very funny. Guys and gals alike will enjoy, but I could tell some of my fellow viewers from work (most over 40) were a little squeamish about the language. But definitely glad I went to see it even if that is a ridiculous price for a ticket at what should be a matinee time!

Other than the movie, I am trying to get myself to work for my less than two week tour of duty left at this job, but it is really really hard to get motivated. I am slowly cleaning out my desk and taking laps around the office to talk to people who had not heard yet I was leaving. I am, however, running out of things to clean out already and of people to tell. Ah well. 8 more business days to go!

Why do I like Pei Wei better than PF Changs? It isn’t the price, although it is cheaper; It isn’t the food quality either. I like Pei Wei better because I come in and order, get my own drink and sit down. I don’t have to worry about wait staff (no offense) asking me if I want more soda or if I liked my meal etc. It is a nice combo of fast food type service but of food with a much higher quality. Pei Wei is so much better than other “fast food” Chinese places. For example, Mama Fu’s that went down hill really fast and, for us, the newly opened Panda Express that was just awful!

Only thing that stinks for me about Pei Wei? It is clear on the other side of town. A good 20-30 minute drive, but we went and it was good.

I finished Carolyn Forche’s The Country Between Us which was simply amazing. I wish I had better words to describe her skill. Her poems are about reluctant revolutionary tendencies, interspersed with love/sex and seeking. There is probably a great deal I could say her about the strength of her work, but it just has to be read to be completely felt. If nothing else find the poem _The Colonel_ as an example of her ability to speak in a new way. One of my favorite books of poems this year.

I’m going to update my list of books I am reading and try to mentally prepare for having to go back to work tomorrow. Only 2 weeks left. Goal? Try not to stress eat. I already lost a pound from when I announced I was quitting so I want to keep the downward motion going!

Well after my triumphant quitting I worked a half day on Thursday and then headed out to my cousin’s wedding in Garner. It was a beautiful location, wonderful service and all around great time . I’m never one for ceremony but I had a good time. I was really tired, however, by about 9 and finally got the ok to head out. I had originally planned to stay and visit with friends but I decided to drive back home. I didn’t get in until 1am but I slept good for a change!!

Friday was like a trial run of my soon to be freedom from work. I ran a large amount of errands, sent out two poetry submissions, walked for well over 30 minutes in the mall and just in general felt busy but good.

Next week is going to be pretty hard trying to motivate myself to work. The official announcement goes out on Monday I believe via conference call to my team. I’m trying not to rush cleaning out my desk because then what will I do that final week, the week after next, when I will probably have even more “spring fever” so to speak.

Got some walking and shopping done today. May need to go back out and return some workout clothes I bought, I know very exciting, but hey that be the way it is.

Finished Best American Poetry for 2006. I made a list of the journals from which my favorite poems came and I think I have some new ideas for later this year on where to send my work. Still hoping that I’ll either get one more publication or win a contest this year. That was my goal. If I can do that then next year I am going to work really hard on my various chapbooks.

Ok enough babbling for now!

I did it. I quit my job. **does happy dance** Do I have another job lined up? No. Do I have an extremely large amount of savings? No. Am I still really happy and content? **note the happy dance**

Goals while unemployed for the first time since I was 19 (that would be the last 13 years)

1–get to the Y each day and swim and walk and take care of myself
2–read and write some everyday
3–at least find a pt job at a bookstore or something near the house so I don’t have to commute but I have something to do
4–clean up the house, especially back room and closet and have a yard sale.

I am trying to still be productive and do some work, but I have a lot of things to finalize as I prepare to leave so I am a little distracted. My last day is July 6th.

I was within 40 pages of finishing One Foot in Eden and I was quickly drawing it to a close during my lunch break tot he point of actually sitting in my car to finish. Ah, for me, the sign of a truly good read.

There is no need to given extensive summary as the reverse of the book and the plot summary on Amazon is adequate; instead I want to say that this is not only a great example of Southern Literature but a model of powerful fiction in general.

It is very obvious from reading this book that Ron Rash is a poet. He has powerful imagery running throughout this Southern gothic, mystery etc story told from the viewpoints 5 different characters.

If there was any detraction I would pay to the novel it is the following two (which is why I didn’t give this really great read 5 stars): 1-the novel starts a bit slowly and I think it is because the vernacular seems a little forced in the beginning but settles in once we get to the 2nd speaker 2-the novel almost has two endings. The 4th speaker’s section has an amazing ending that left me thinking but I understand why the 5th speaker was brought in to close out some other pieces of the story.

I highly recommend this for summer (or anytime).

-Now copy and paste that to Amazon. I also finished Ovid’s Metamorphosis finally after reading it off and on since January. I found the first half more interesting then the 2nd when I got into a lot of the mythology I was more familiar w/.

Any additional notes for today? I ate WAY too much on father’s day while in Greensboro visiting the in-laws and I think I am still recovering from there being not a vegetable in sight